if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
