bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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