I want you more than these girls want KFC
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
