Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
