dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
