No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
