so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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