Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
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you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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