someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
The best revenge is premature balding
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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