i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
