I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I booty called her while she was in labor.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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