I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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