I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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