just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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