there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
