so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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