How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
