69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
