I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
