Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
