Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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