I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Kiss
Puke
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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