i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
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