I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
