Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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