Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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