I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
