I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
