OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
