The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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