you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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