I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
