Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Randomize
