it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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