Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
