Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
