On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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