Yo dont text me then not text me
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
