I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
