puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
