Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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