first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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