Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
