and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
So vagazzling was a success
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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