I think scott just propositioned me for sex
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
