he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
