So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize