Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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