omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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