i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
