Me too!
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
