That's intense
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
