I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
