The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
