he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
