Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
