I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
