the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize