is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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