I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
