you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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