I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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