it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
