i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
