is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...