i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
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It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?