her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?