Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.