If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.