oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
