k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
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