I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
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