I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
