like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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