I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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