Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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