Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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