yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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