my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
