I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
