and my herpes radar will keep us safe
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He shit in the fireplace
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
