Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
