What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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