Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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