Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
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I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
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So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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