My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
